Midnight Sun
by Azarathian Angel
Summary: Picking up where Stephenie Meyer's amazing unfished draft ends, Edward Cullen struggles to figure out the mystery that is Bella Swan. The question is...Can this immortal vampire manage to love her without turning her into one of his own? Begins at Ch.13
1. Introduction

**A/N:**

This is supposed to be my mother's Christmas gift, but since I am infamous for my lack of inspiration and utter procrastination, I've decided to put this on Fanfiction for some… encouragement and support. If you've not read Stephenie's unfinished draft of Midnight Sun (Twilight from Edward's point of view) then you will not understand this. You can easily read the first twelve chapters she has written on her website where she has it posted. So, without further ado…

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Introduction

My fingers clutched the wheel as tightly as it could bear without breaking while the tires beneath me flew over the blacktop at a speed that could easily put any human into shock. Still, I drove a bit slower than I normally would have. Was I trying to use as much time as I could before I saw Bella again?

Most assuredly.

For us, time was at a standstill physically, yet we could watch it pass us faster than we could fathom.

But not for me.

Every minute spent away from her was agony. Each second would crawl by slowly, only to prolong my suffering. Nevertheless, each moment spent with her slipped by me before I could take it in properly. I knew I would never forgive myself were I to forget even the smallest of details-

Her chocolate brown eyes when she smiled; her laugh when she didn't hold back; the way she said my name; all things that I would keep with me for eternity.

But could I keep her for just as long?

I shook my head as I tore down the road. That question was not debatable — it was not for me to decide.

I was resilient against my other half. The monster inside of me still longed for her blood, but its desires were quieted — though not silenced when I was at my strongest.

I still needed to find a way to stop running from her, but any attempt at contemplating a solution was hampered by the fact my thoughts would stray to her home. My mind could easily picture her every feature, though they were not often peaceful as she slept. Within a few minutes, I had reached her house, perched on the tree outside of her bedroom window. In the fading light, the shadows would play games with any straying human's eye, not that a soul was on the street to look in the first place. I was safe where I was, listening to small sounds coming from inside the house. The sound of plates and silverware clattering in the kitchen reached my ears in a moment, and I knew she would be coming up to her bedroom soon.

My yearning to see her face made me eager for her to fall asleep, when I could look at her longer than I would have normally felt appropriate. I was confused at the thought for a moment. It had seemed that my actions of the past few days were not entirely proper in my sense of the word, as exhibited by my habit of watching a young, unsuspecting girl while she slept.

Before long, I could hear her flipping the pages of a book, most likely doing some school work. I quickly grew impatient — something I was not entirely used to.

My mind wandered to the thought of interrogating her the next day. I could finally find the answers to every question I wanted to ask about her. Every detail of her life was something I wanted to etch into my mind. More importantly, I wanted to focus on the day with her and not become distracted by my thirst. I was no where near close to being hungry, but I could not take chances. I could not make mistakes. I had to protect her at all costs.

Even against myself.

I promised her silently that I would come back as I tore through the forest, paying little mind to the trees that passed by at a dangerous speed. I did not want to hear Rosalie's thoughts tonight, since their bitterness would just awaken the awful temper I had grown specifically against her. Any of her thoughts straying towards Bella sent me into an uproar that I had to suppress. Despite her overly pompous mindset, I could not understand how she could misprize Bella in the way she did. How could anyone not see that she was different? That she was so beautifully designed with a curiosity that made my life heaven and hell in one?

Keeping a safe distance from our home, I delved deep into the misty woods. My path crossed that of a small group of deer, but, once again, in comparison to her scent they were unappetizing.

I slowed after a few minutes and stood immobile in a cluster of trees. For the time being, I tried to listen to every sound in the wood, detecting minute but common sounds that were not even similar to human thoughts. The solitude of the forest was comforting, but I did not stray farther for larger prey. With my speed, I knew I could easily return to the Swan residence faster than any other, but the sheer thought of the distance between us made my heart ache.

The next few hours were spent hunting, fruitlessly attempting to quench a thirst that could not be slaked by an animal's blood. Still, it quieted my inner demon just slightly, and I knew it would be enough for me to center my thoughts on Bella tomorrow as company, not food.

The fog in the air had dampened my shirt, but I felt more or less presentable, not a drop of blood on my person. I did not expect to see anyone, but in the off chance she somehow woke while I was in her presence… I could always disappear as she blinked, and she would think it no more than a dream. Nevertheless, I did not want that dream to be one of myself watching while she slumbered, blood-stained and still as stone.

As I returned, the light in her bedroom cast a light over the lawn, but I was confident she would not be able to see my form on the branch outside of her window. Momentarily, the light switched off. I listened to the sounds of her breathing through the wall, paying attention to the rhythm and noting when it slowed to a comfortable pace. My hand touched the windowsill the moment her bed creaked as she turned over. She mumbled a few things that ran together, incomprehensible.

It went on like this for the next few hours. She turned often and woke with small gasps. She said my name several times, pleading me to stay with her, and it sent electric chills down my spine. As the morning approached, I could hear her movement cease. She had finally settled into a deep sleep, only for her to be woken in a few hours when she would have to get up and finally answer my burning questions.

Reluctantly, I forced myself to leave her window. I needed a change of clothes and to drive the car back out here to pick her up. My patience was not strong enough to allow me to wait until she came to school. I knew I would have more than enough time with the rate at which she moved, but I could not stop myself from hurrying.

My memories of my own heartbeat were unclear and faded. However, I knew that if my heart could have, I would have been able to feel it in my chest at that moment.


	2. Balancing

A/N:

[EDIT:] I know you're thinking, I got an email so where's the update? I felt like I was massacring the story by breaking chapters into pieces, so I'll be writing the full chapter now before I post it. It means longer waits, but it'll be better. Trust me. The new material is towards the end of the chapter. Good stuff, people!

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This is part two. But wait!

I know how tempting it is to exit out of the window or press the back button when you are done. But, how hard is it really to drop a review or two once and a while? I'd appreciate ones that just said something like 'It's okay' or 'It didn't make me puke while reading it'. I'd even settle for a smiley face.

:)

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13. Balancing

I slowed the car once I reached her street, but I did not turn down it just yet. After a few moments of sifting through a few dozen groggy thoughts, I found Charlie's, slightly muffled. His thoughts were on the school dance, of all things, as he pulled away in his cruiser. I parked in the driveway once he was gone, and only moments later I spotted Bella peek her head out from behind the curtains. She dashed away and came downstairs, looking like she was running from something.

I struggled to wipe the laughing grin off my face and replaced it with a softer, relaxed one. She hesitated outside the door, appearing to be contemplating whether I was serious or not. I waited, and she stepped in.

"Good morning." I looked over her face, noticing her tired look. "How are you today?" My mind wandered to what she could have possibly dreamt about the night before.

"Good, thank you." A smile broke out across her soft face.

My eyes lingered on her face for a moment longer. "You look tired." I could ask her later what the dream was about, if I ever finished with the other thousand questions.

Her cheeks blushed. "I couldn't sleep," She pulled her hair over to her other shoulder.

"Neither could I," I smirked slightly as I headed down the road at a slow, but legal, pace.

At the sound of her laugh, I felt a rush of emotions. "I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a bit more than you did."

She was running on only about two hours of sleep, but that would not stop me from pestering her with questions later, I reasoned. "I'd wager you did." Again, I tried to keep the smirking to a minimum.

"So what did you do last night?" She asked me with a smile.

I laughed to cover up the sudden twist in my stomach. "Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions."

"Oh, that's right." She had a thoughtful look on her pale face that sent my curiosity over the edge. "What do you want to know?"

I thought for only a moment to pick one of the hundreds I had come up with. "What's your favorite color?" As she rolled her eyes, I caught a thought from the car down the road. I had expected my family to already be at school by the time I got there.

"It changes from day to day."

I tried blocking out the rude thoughts coming from Rose as they passed us, but Bella did not notice them. "What's your favorite color today?" She was practically screaming thoughts at me as they sped up.

"Probably brown." She continued.

I snorted, looking over her with a quizzical expression. "Brown?" I asked.

"Sure. Brown is warm." I sighed, but she could not hear. "I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown — tree trunks, rocks, dirt — is all covered up with squashy green stuff here." I looked over at her when she finished her complaint, but I enjoyed hearing her thoughts spilling out without her fully realizing it more than she could know.

"You're right," I said at length as we came up close to the school. I was disappointed I would have to leave her soon. "Brown is warm." I finally had to brush her hair back over her shoulders, needing to see her blushing face. It was quite a struggle to pull my hand back away from her.

As I pulled into the school parking place, my ears caught the booming sound of music pouring from a car stereo. "What music is in your CD player right now?" I decided to ask, picking up Rosalie's thoughts once more as my family headed off to class.

She had that same thoughtful look on her face once more as she answered and I could not help but feel slightly surprised. With a crooked grin, I pulled out a CD from beneath the player and handed it to her.

"Debussy to this?" It really had not seemed like her type of music.

She looked over the cover, not meeting my eyes, a small smile on her lips.

Throughout the day, she seemed confused as to why I was so curious. She obviously did not realize how much of a mystery she was to me — how I could not bear to tear my thoughts away from her for even one small second. We talked through lunch, and I regretted her lack of appetite, traded for simply answering my questions. But only slightly.

I questioned her on her favorites first — books, movies, stores. I strayed towards books most often, however. She was an avid reader, and books were timeless. I quickly found some common ground with her. Each time I saw her between classes, she looked so insecure as she answered. How could she not see I was sincerely interested? I was unable to look away from her for one second, even when Rose would walk by with a glare and another stream of hateful thoughts.

I walked without watching where I was going, knowing fully well that people would avoid my path anyway. "What's your favorite gemstone?" I barely had the patience to wait for a full answer before continuing on to the next one.

"Topaz." She had begun to keep up with my pace, blurting out thoughts without pausing to think about them now.

Her face flushed again, and I could not look away. "What's wrong?" She shook her head, her face only turning a deeper shade of rose. "Tell me." I could see that she carefully avoided looking at my face.

"It's the color of your eyes today," She yielded, playing idly with her hair. "I suppose if you asked me in two weeks I'd say onyx."

I felt a wave of what I could only describe as elated joy, but I had other questions to ask. "What kinds of flowers do you prefer?"

I continued until Biology, my sentence trailing off as Mr. Banner stepped in, pulling the audiovisual frame inside the room. Another movie meant another hour in the dark — an hour of torture and temptation. I tried to subtly move my chair away from her own, her scent already filling the space between us more potently than it had been before. The electricity between us was unbearable, and I sat in agony, resisting against my longing to touch her skin. I watched her fold her arms and rest her head on them, her eyes on the screen but slightly unfocused.

I willed myself to move not an inch. It felt odd, since most of the time I tried to keep from staying too still and giving the humans something to question. I paid the movie little attention — my focus remaining on the quiet mystery beside me.

The second the lights returned, her gaze shifted towards mine, and I stood quietly. Her eyes sent an extra electric shock through my system, and I was disappointed I would have to surrender her to her next class. My questions ceased as I walked with her to the gym, but only for the moment. She seemed eager to be in my presence, as I in hers, but I contemplated the seriousness of this Saturday. She could never see the danger in going with me. She was blind to it.

No matter how much I loved her, that day would hopefully help the truth sink in. She would not be able to doubt who — no, _what_ I was. Whether for the better or the worst, this day would change the both of us.

As she paused outside of the gym, I once again gave in just slightly to the temptation, allowing the back of my hand to touch the warm skin of her face. I could not say anything, and she stood with a captivated look that I did not understand. Without a word, I tore myself from the moment, heading towards my next class and not glancing back. If I had, I would not have been able to force myself into the classroom.

I was beginning to feel much more obsessed than I had originally thought.

I sat throughout Spanish, seemingly comatose, while watching Bella from the eyes of her unfortunate classmates. Most of the students shied away from her, afraid of getting hurt. She seemed to be a bit relieved that they had finally learned. Emmett sat beside me, his arms crossed over his chest with a bored look on his face. We knew the language better than our instructor, so, at times, it was easier just to slip into a daydream rather than hear a lesson we could have taught ourselves.

Every time Newton's thoughts turned towards Bella or me _with_ Bella, I tried to hold back a smirk. I took a small pride in her choice. When his thoughts became too much, I switched over to Jessica, though hers were hardly more bearable. I began to wish sweet Angela Weber had Bella's seventh period so I could see her through sincere and honest eyes. The way Jessica and Mike would think of her would often make sitting through my classes the most difficult — my desire to protect her multiplied intensely at those times.

I glanced up at the clock, reading its face quickly and sighing. I wanted to see her with my own eyes badly, and I sat rigid in my chair, suffering through the next thirty minutes. I watched over her for the time remaining until the bell sounded and I was in the hallway before most students had even gotten out of their seats. Alice passed by me, having left class early knowing I needed to question her. "Anything?" My voice, nearly silent to the passing humans, sounded desperate to my ears.

She blinked, not even stopping. _I'm sorry, Edward_. The vision she replayed in her mind for me was different than the previous one, and although it played out differently, it still had the same outcome. My teeth locked together and I walked at a faster pace — one that barely passed for a strolling human's gait.

No matter what she had seen, I would not allow the animal inside myself to harm Bella.

Seeing her precious face as she exited the gym caused my face to twist into a genuine grin and I focused on questioning her more thoroughly. Somewhere, in my mind, I knew that the more I knew about her, the harder it would become for even the monster to take her life. I drove with less than half my attention on the road, but she seemed too preoccupied with answering to notice. For hours, she allowed me to question her more on her home in Phoenix while we sat outside her home.

My questions spilled past my lips quickly — some of them ones that she struggled to reply to. I wanted to imagine Phoenix as best I could, since it was likely I would never willingly step foot in the city. From the way she described it, the place sounded beautiful, and it became difficult to imagine why she had ever grown to stand Forks. Her words came out much easier than earlier today, and I found myself smiling, while internally disapproving, at her acclimation to my presence.

I asked her about her room, more wanting to hear it from her point of view than trying to make her think I had never stepped foot in it before. As she responded, my attention snapped towards a string of thoughts a few miles away. Charlie was stuck in a bit of traffic and would be home in just a few minutes. Bella had finally stopped, taking a deep breath.

"Are you finished?" She asked when I did not throw another question at her.

"Not ever close — but your father will be home soon."

"Charlie!" She exclaimed, suddenly seeming to remember the man. Her gaze shifted to the window, probably trying to assess the time. "How late is it?" She looked to the clock with a surprised expression.

I did not want to give her up just yet, but I it seemed I didn't have much choice in the matter. "It's twilight," I muttered, answering her question and gazing out of the window.

Soon, she would end her day and be lost in her dreams while I could not. It was here that our worlds collided and the line between them became prominent. The grey clouds gathered on the horizon, and I turned from them, meeting her eyes.

"It's the safest time of day for us," I said, seeing the curiosity in her look. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" My face still held a small, longing smile.

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." She gave the smallest of sighs. "Not that you can see them here much."

I grinned and gave a short chuckle as the atmosphere grew softer. "Charlie will be here in a few minutes." I reminded her. "So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday…" I felt my small ray of hope slowly dwindling.

"Thanks, but no thanks." She replied, picking up her things as I sighed so quietly she could not hear. Why did she love to put her life in such danger? "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

I wanted to laugh. "Certainly not!" How could she think I was finished? I was barely getting started… "I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"

"What more is there?" She had a weary look on her soft face.

I heard Charlie's thoughts growing closer and… something else I could not place at first. "You'll find out tomorrow." I could hear her heartbeat jump when I opened the door for her but my hand stayed there for a moment, stiff. I heard a different mind coming down the end of the road — one that was too familiar.

"Not good." I mumbled, my hand tightening on the handle.

"What is it?" Her voice seemed worried.

I looked at her for only a second before throwing the door open. "Another complication," I said, pulling away from her solemnly. The car pulled over to the curb just ahead of us, and she still sat in the seat, looking through the rain at the dark vehicle. "Charlie's around the corner." I added, throwing a glare at the man in the car as she got out and onto the pavement.

_Cullens._

I stared back at him, returning the scowl before pulling away. He had thought the name with disgust and my hands curled around the wheel as I looked straight ahead.

_Did someone give her a ride home? I wonder if it was that Newton kid…_

The younger one's thoughts revealed that he did not recognize the car and was pretty much unaware of who — or rather what — had driven her home. However, it did not give me much comfort as I thought about what they might tell her.


	3. Confessions

**A/N:**

Please read!

I know this is confusing, so I apologize in advance. If the last time you viewed this story and Chapter 13 was in pieces, then please go back to Chapter 13 and read the ending. I decided to stop breaking them into parts, so just go back and have a look and read the stuff you haven't seen yet. Now, if there aren't any questions, I'll just go ahead with Chapter 14 now…

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14. Confessions

_Wolves._

My teeth snapped together as I almost slammed the car door. I quickly stopped myself for the sake of keeping the window in one piece.

Worried thoughts rose up from the living room at the sound of my arrival, but I paid them no mind and managed to open the white door without ripping it from its frame. Esme looked up instantly with a concerned face. _Edward?_

I stopped at the unspoken thought, the ache in my chest growing. As I turned, Alice stared at me as well, the look on her face much calmer but clearly a façade.

Emmett and Jasper paused in their game of chess, but Rosalie continued flipping through her book.

_You don't look so-_

_-what's with the-_

_-don't understand._

I winced at the sudden onslaught of thoughts, and I tried desperately to push them away from my own. The room, however, was still silent.

Alice sat with a grave look, never moving an inch. "You left her with them?" Her mind was in a rage.

"Who?" Esme looked from my angered face to Alice's. "What did you see?" Her normally calm demeanor was broken.

"Nothing. That's the issue at hand." Alice continued to look at me sternly.

"The dogs?" Emmett laughed, finally understanding. "So she survived the vampire to be eaten by the wolves? Good job, Edward."

"Shut up," I growled.

Carlisle stepped in then, setting his keys on the kitchen counter and looking over everyone's faces. "Have I… missed something important?"

"The wolves are over at the Swans' for a visit." Emmett's tone was still joking, but only lightly.

"Oh no," Rosalie muttered as she turned a page. "Whatever shall we do?"

"Rose," Esme said. "Please don't. Not now."

I took careful note that Jasper sat in silence and, as last time, neither helped nor added to the current discussion.

Carlisle turned to me calmly. "Ephraim's son still upholds the treaty. You shouldn't—"

"That was my point." I cold no longer stand in silence. "What will he tell Bella? Or her father? He may not be as bold as to tell them the truth, but he would do a lot to keep the Swans away from us."

He put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Edward, perhaps you are overreacting? Just a bit?"

I looked away from their gazes, focusing on the floor in the corner of the white room. After a moment, I nodded just slightly, ashamed.

_I for one_—

"No one asked for your opinion." I snapped at her, the others looking from me to Rosalie, startled.

_Too bad the younger one probably can't change yet_— Her thoughts followed me as I climbed the stairs quickly. _It wouldn't take much from her to get him all riled up. _A snarl built up in my throat, but I swallowed it with difficulty.

I realized I would have to wait until they left before I could even dare to go near her house. I paced back and forth, my movements easily heard by those below. I began to question my sudden burst of anger from only moments before.

Had I not, only weeks earlier, decided that the wolves were the least of my problems? Why then would I worry about their presence now?

The only reason I could fathom was the younger one. His infatuation with Bella was nothing like Mike's. It was too sincere. The only thing that did not send me to jealousy was the fact that it was still at a shallow level — a crush, for now.

I sat in front of the window, the darkness peering back at me through the glass. With perfect vision even in this light, I was more or less comfortable in it. It was a family joke that most of us probably did not know where the light switches were in our own rooms. I could not remember the last time I had even touched it.

Outside, everything was as still as I was at the moment. Animals knew well to keep away from our home, their basic instincts for their own survival causing them to avoid the place like a sinner on Sunday.

I smirked slightly at the analogy, tapping my fingers on the floor. My own lack of patience was starting to worry me, not to mention the rest of the household. I seemed to be acting more like a human with each passing day, the more time I spent with her.

My grin turned to a frown.

Someday, I would need to stop the façade.

-

Fingers gripping the windowsill in the shadows, I pulled myself up with ease. The scent of the wolves still hung around the property, but it was not the mephitic asphyxiation I had expected. Neither of the Quileutes that had been here could actually shift, the younger one having not reached the proper age yet, but the smell still clung to them.

I lifted the window slowly, only slight creaks echoing across the room. Bella was twisted up in the blankets once more, her face in an almost pained expression. With a sigh, I sat down in the rocking chair and breathed in her scent that overpowered any other. Fire ripped across my throat, but I sat still in my place, my eyes never leaving her face. After about half an hour, her expression changed, and her breathing deepened.

It was a mystery to me why my presence seemed to have a calming effect on her. For anyone else, it would be the complete opposite.

My thoughts kept pulling towards the matter.

I was barely a man — barely worth her time. I could not comprehend why she would waste so much of her day in my company, blissfully ignorant of the reality around her. _Just as she is now_, I mused. Her features had softened however, and her face held a look of serene contentment. How could something this beautiful ever love a thing like me?

Again, the horrid desire just to touch her skin filled my mind, but I did not give in. To wake her would certainly not be in the best interest for either of us. Yet, as the sun's light began to rise just slightly over the horizon, I stood to leave, the same yearning crashing through me.

Sparks would fly every time I touched her, and it did not change with the fact she was asleep. Slowly, my fingers stretched to touch her hand, my fingertips just barely brushing her skin. Her hand twitched, and her small smile faded. Presently, she pulled her hand up towards the other, resting her cheek on them both.

She hated the cold.

With a solemn smile, I sat crouched on the window's frame, halfway out. I waited for only a few minutes, watching her face revert back to a sleepy, expressionless state.

How could I have forgotten?

-

The moment Charlie had disappeared around the corner, I was waiting in the driveway for her. My thoughts kept drifting back to the night before, but I tried to focus on her as she came outside. I noticed that she did not pause before getting in, as she had done the day before. She had become confident of my infatuation or at least my eagerness to drive her to school.

I noted the sudden increase in her heartbeat as I smiled, and while it only uplifted my mood, it also made me repulse the monster I was.

I gave no indication to my thoughts, politely asking her how she slept. "Fine. How was your night?" She asked.

"Pleasant." I failed to hold back a smirk.

"Can I ask what you did?"

I avoided her question. "No. Today is still _mine_," I reminded her with a grin.

She nodded, clearing fighting a small smile. From where I stood, it seemed that she detested the intense questioning, but I could not help but think she might have enjoyed the attention. Because she was being forced to it, she did not have to feel embarrassed from it. Or at least I guessed this, since I had no possible way of knowing the absolute truth.

I was confidant in the genuineness of her answers, since she could not have had time to create lies with the speed of my questions. I learned about her mother, and their time spent together in Phoenix. Her hometown was a subject that interested me, just because there was still a slight mystery as to why she had come to love Forks.

I found myself a bit intrigued by her love life — or really, the lack thereof.

"So you never met anyone you wanted?" Surely someone had taken an interest in her as I had. It did not seem plausible that she had never been with someone she really felt a connection with.

"Not in Phoenix." She answered.

…We were in Forks, however. I dropped it from there, realizing it would have been better for her if she had stayed there.

I followed her through the lunch line, not taking anything for myself — even for show. Once seated by ourselves as before, I watched her eat with a content look playing on her features. _Edward. _I recognized the voice, but I did not look up to her from across the cafeteria. _Don't forget. Make sure Bella gets home safely. _With a slight nod of my head that Bella did not notice, Alice knew I had heard her. _Or else._

I sighed. "I should have let you drive yourself today," I noted as she looked to me with a puzzled expression.

"Why?"

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch." I should have remembered to tell her that, and I normally would have if I had not been so… distracted.

"Oh." A disappointed look came across her face. "That's okay, it's not that far of walk."

I tried not to shake my head at her. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."

"I don't have my key with me," She answered. She really seemed like she did not want to cause us any trouble.

As if.

"I really don't mind walking," She finished.

"Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition," I reassured her. "Unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I chuckled at the notion someone would attempt to take the old thing.

"All right," She said, her expression telling me that she did not believe I was telling her the truth. I smirked in response, but it disappeared from my face as she spoke once more. "So where are you going?"

"Hunting." I glanced at Alice quickly, but my attention returned to Bella shortly. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can… You can always cancel, you know." My voice sounded more pleading than I had expected as I finished it in my mind _…and for once do something that might actually save your life._

She was thoughtful for a moment, sending me to a deeper level of insanity. What was she thinking about?

"No." Her voice was barely above a whisper, but I heard her perfectly over the rumble of the other voices. "I can't." Her determined eyes caught mine, and my heart sank.

"Perhaps you're right," I muttered. It seemed both of our lives could not be torn from one another's, and it might just become the death of us both.

"What time will I see you tomorrow?" She asked in a more positive tone.

"That depends…" Humans seemed to enjoy sleeping late, right? "It's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" _And savor your last moments_, my mind added in with its sick humor.

"No," She said all too quickly.

"The same time as usual, then," I said with the smallest of smiles. "Will Charlie be there?" Chief Swan deserved to know who was going to be with his daughter that day. That way, he would know who to blame when she did not come home.

I shook the thoughts away as she replied. "No, he's fishing tomorrow." A content look came over her face.

"And if you don't come home, what will he think?" I demanded. Had she any idea how dangerous she was making her own life?

"I have no idea." She paused, seemingly unaware of what I was getting at. "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer." She grinned at the joke, but I could only glare at her response.

She returned the look. "What are you hunting tonight?" She asked presently.

Her casual question threw me off a bit. "Whatever we find in the park." It was amusing, at times, the way she asked these things as if it were a normal conversation. "We aren't going far."

"Why are you going with Alice?"

"Alice is the most… supportive." I scowled at Alice from across the cafeteria, catching a small vision she had just seen, but Bella did not seem to notice. _Get over it, Edward._

"And the others? What are they?"

I was starting to have trouble focusing on our conversation. "Incredulous, for the most part." Except for Rosalie, of course, who was furious.

I watched as she turned slightly to look at them. No one was talking, their gazes distant and focused on some random part of the room.

"They don't like me." She turned back.

"That's not it." I tried to look truthful. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone." And I had finally stopped wondering it myself.

"Neither do I, for that matter." She suddenly looked shy once more, and I quickly shook my head.

"I told you," I said, rolling my eyes. "You don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known." I was not sure if she would believe me if I said… "You fascinate me." I said at length.

She looked at me with a frown, clearly skeptical. "Having the advantages I do…" I tapped my forehead slowly. "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you…" My gaze shifted to her deep brown eyes and did not stray for the remained of the conversation.

"You never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise." It was as truthful as I had been with someone in a long time.

She did not look content with my answer, and she glanced back at my family once more. It threw me off a bit, but I tried my best to make her see this from my perspective. "That part is easy enough to explain," I said, looking to her eyes that were still focused on the other side of the cafeteria. "But there's more… and it's not so easy to put into words—"

_How cute, Edward._

The voice was dripping with bitterness, and I instantly knew who it was. Bella sat rigidly in her seat, looking back at the blonde vampire sending her a dark glare from across the room. "Stay out of it, Rose." My words stumbled out so quickly that no human ears would have been able to catch them.

_Why should I? When it's endangering all of our—_

I hissed at her and she turned away, scoffing. Why couldn't she just accept that this was the way it was going to be? Bella looked to my face, a slightly shocked and confused expression on her soft face.

"I'm sorry about that." I spoke with my teeth locked together. "She's just worried. You see… it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" I struggled to finish my sentence.

"If?"

"If this ends… badly." I rested my head in my hands, not out of exhaustion, but just to avoid her gaze. I saw her fingers stretch slightly, almost as if to touch my arm, but she stopped halfway. My words did not seem to have the effect I had expected on her. She wanted to comfort me, it seemed, instead of worrying about all the things that 'badly' could have incorporated.

I drew in a deep breath, feeling the same torrid burn crawl down my throat, but it helped bring my mind back to where it was supposed to be.

"And you have to leave now?" She was clearly trying to keep a steady voice, but I could hear the sadness behind it that sent a smile to my face.

"Yes." Bella wanted me here, and even though it was one of the worst things for her… I could not help but feel slightly blissful at the fact. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology — I don't think I could take any more."

I had been so caught up in her presence that I had not noticed Alice walk up behind her. I threw her a glare as Bella jumped in surprise when Alice suddenly stood behind my seat, her short hair bobbing up and down with the quick movement.

"Alice." I greeted for show as I carried on another conversation with her.

_I'm just saying hello, Edward._

"I told you not to." My lips moved quickly with no one the wiser to our little discussion.

_The world's not going to end._

"Edward," she replied, smiling down at Bella kindly. _At least… not because of me talking to her. Trust me. Now, it would be polite to introduce me, wouldn't it?_

With a sigh, I gestured towards her. "Alice, Bella — Bella, Alice."

"Hello, Bella." Her smile grew wider, if it was even possible. "It's nice to finally meet you." _Finally_, she added for emphasis.

I shot a look at her as Bella answered timidly. "Hi, Alice." She looked uncomfortable.

"Are you ready?" Alice looked to me.

"Nearly," I said, flashing another cold look at her. "I'll meet you at the car."

_Are you sure? Or will I have to drag you out_—

"Go." I muttered to her, and she walked away without another word.

After a quiet moment, Bella turned to look at me once more. "Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?"

I felt a smile growing across my face. "No, 'have fun' works as well as anything." A small wave of sadness came over me when I realized I really would have to leave her alone soon, without a protector…

Not that I was fully qualified for the job either, but I felt calmer knowing Bella had a vampire who would at least try to save her from the other dangers of the town — if not from himself.

"Have fun, then." I caught the disappointed tone in her voice.

"I'll try. And you try to be safe, please." I was beginning to worry over her already.

"Safe in Forks — what a challenge." She rolled her eyes.

"For you it _is_ a challenge." The modern day high school seemed to hold more dangers for her than a busy highway, and the town of Forks regrettably had both. "Promise."

"I promise to try to be safe." She said it just to pacify my worries, but it helped ease the tension. "I'll do that laundry tonight — that ought to be fraught with peril."

"Don't fall in," I said, recalling her words from earlier.

"I'll do my best."

Reluctantly, I got to my feet and stood there, hesitating.

"I'll see you tomorrow," She said solemnly.

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" And with my slowly dwindling patience, it would be longer to me as well. She nodded. "I'll be there in the morning," I assured her with a grin. My hand automatically stretched towards her face without hesitation. Her skin was smooth under my fingertips, and I found myself reluctant to leave as before.

When it seemed like I might not have had the strength to look away from her deep eyes, I started walking. I refused to look back at her, fearing my own weaknesses.

Outside, my head cleared a bit, making things easier to focus on. Alice and I had agreed to fake a sickness — it was easily plausible that we had caught the same bug, right?

Yet… somehow, I found myself in the parking lot before I had realized where I'd gone. Alice sat on the hood of the car, legs crossed with a smirk. "A little absentminded perhaps?" She cocked her head to the side.

I suppose she had seen it coming. "Are we just skipping then?" She asked, knowing full well I would not return to those buildings if I could help it. Her scent hung around the place like a cloud, and I knew that if I caught it again, I might just go back to class with her.

"I guess." I threw my bag into the backseat as she got in with a grin. From her thoughts, I could tell she was thrilled not only because she had been able to talk to Bella, but because it annoyed me so.

With Alice, hunting could be pretty uneventful, since she knew which paths to take even before we crossed a trail, but it was much easier to talk with her than any of the others. Hours later now, I let my fingers trail over the cool boulder I crouched on, blending in almost perfectly as I moved not an inch.

"Would it really be that…"

"Yes." I muttered, reading her thoughts that were faster than her words.

She sprang up from the grass, sitting beside me now. "I never said I wanted it to happen. Or even that it was certain to happen." She licked her teeth. "But, perhaps you need to realize that… if it did, you would have to forgive yourself, eventually."

"I could never do that." I felt the familiar ache in my chest as I thought of the distance between us now…

"You couldn't hurt her." Alice pointed out. "_No one _would be able to. She would be—"

"One of us." I finished in a disgusted tone.

Alice looked away for a while, her pale hand slipping from my arm. _I'm sorry. I won't bring it up again. _I could hear the sincerity in the thought, but I knew it was something that did not leave her mind for long. Her thoughts drifted towards Jasper now, once again filled with a different kind of worry.

I could not bring myself to say anything about him. I was still ashamed of the fact I was more or less the root of their disagreement.

I stood after a moment, walking calmly through the woods. I was never really in the mood for hunting, since the scents were bland compared to—

Alice followed, her mind also lost, as I looked up at the clouded sky. School would have just gotten out not to long ago, and Bella would have found my note by now, sitting on the seat of her rundown truck. _Be safe. _It would be difficult for her, but I held onto the hope that she would not leave the house.

It had not been a challenge to find the key. My memories did not fade as easily as a human's, and I had recalled that she kept it in her pocket. I remembered her scent crashing into me the moment I stepped in the house — it had certainly made it hard to leave.

"And where has your mind gone off to, I wonder?" Alice suddenly stood in my path, with one hand upon the bark of a tree. She was leaning slightly on it just to block my way.

"A path not unlike your own." I said, ducking under her arm as she smiled that all-knowing smile of hers.

_Ah. _She understood who I was referring to instantly. Her thoughts jumped, losing focus as we caught the trail of a few unsuspecting deer. _Race you?_

I rolled my eyes at her as she took off running. With a smirk, I waited a few seconds before following.

Perhaps I was just a little smug…

But only slightly.

-

As the sky began to darken, and the moon had already trekked halfway across the sky, I decided to spend the few remaining hours of the night on the rooftop.

Alice joined me momentarily, her thoughts focused intently on Jasper, and then Esme, as we watched the sky slowly start to brighten. She jumped from family member to family member, clearly avoiding myself. This was something she often did when she was hiding something from me. "It would really ease my conscience if you would just come out and say it." She did not answer, but sat next to me without a sound.

After a few moments, she let her mind slip, and I witnessed the same scene as before. A snarl ripped from my throat, and I turned away. _I'm sorry, Edward. _She put a small hand on my shoulder which I did not acknowledge enough to shrug off.

"There's no hope then." I glared at the sky. "Her life is as good as gone." With all the precautions I took… she was still doomed from the start. I should have stayed in Alaska. I should not have come back to this place.

"Don't say that!" Alice tightened her grip on my shoulder, the rest of her argument falling to her thoughts. _The horizon is becoming clouded. Change is coming, although I cannot see what it is._

"Either she dies, or she is damned to our way of life." My pale fingers curled into a fist. "In both cases, I will take her life from her. I shouldn't have come back."

Alice sighed next to me. _From what I can tell, you still have a major decision to make tomorrow._ _I can't pretend to know what it is, Edward, but it's going to change who you are__— who you both are. _I looked to her calming face, wishing the future could change this time. _Despite what the future looks like, it's never for certain._

"You're strong." She continued. She somehow knew I would need to hear this aloud. "I'm going to love her, Edward, so do try to be careful." Her smile turned joking.

I could not return it, however. "I do already, and yet I'm still struggling." Even with her visions, Alice could not truly understand what this was like for me. She never had to worry with Jasper. They were nearly equal in their strength, unlike myself and my fragile little Bella. How could she possibly comprehend my agony?

I felt her arm around my neck before I could pull away. _Don't come back too late, okay? Esme wanted to talk to you before… _She had predicted this moment already.

I jumped down from the roof, making a quiet landing.

_Before you go. _It was easy enough to tell she was miffed that I had cut her off, but my sudden urge for some silence away from the thoughts of my family had finally gotten the best of me.

"Thank you, Alice." I felt it was the best way to apologize.

After clearing the river, the darkness of the night enshrouded me, but it made little difference to my vision. The forests of this town held such a… reclusive atmosphere that it was all too easy to lose one's mind in the wet gusts of air. Altogether, it had a calming effect, and I needed time alone to really justify my actions.

I considered telling Bella we would have to reschedule… but I could not hold onto the idea for long. To lie to her face would… it would surely kill me.

I climbed to the highest branch of an old tree, looking out over the expanse of green. That night felt like the last of that kind. Something was on the horizon, Alice had said. I believed her, like I always had, but I could not help but wonder exactly what it was.

Throughout the night, I pondered different excuses, never being able to stick with one. There simply had to be several reasons why I should leave this town and never return. Yet, this thing called love that I felt was keeping me tied to it, against my will and judgment.

The sun was beginning to rise slowly now, and the trees glowed with a touch of orange. I sat for a long while, watching the clouds part, my face set in a frown. Alice had not yet had another vision to replace the first, and it worried me. I was doing everything I could to prevent it. Why had she not seen any change? I could not fathom living with myself if I were ever to lose control with her. If I took her life, I most certainly would not want my own to continue, not that I could possibly take it myself.

I pushed my thoughts away from the matter. The monster was satiated for now — but not satisfied.

The bright, rising sun disappeared from my view as I jumped down from a high branch to the forest floor below. My movement made near to no sound as I ran. I avoided dipping branches and fallen trees with little effort. When I reached the house, I sensed the thoughts of my family, though I did not listen to them intently.

They knew I was coming before they could see me — thanks to our heightened senses. I dreaded walking through the house and meeting their gazes. Alice had probably informed them of what I would be doing today _— _something I would not hold her in contempt for. I did not enjoying keeping secrets from them anyway.

Rosalie shot a glare my way as I headed upstairs to change, but I caught only concerned thoughts from Esme who sat beside her. I ignored the others when I came to my room. Dressing quickly, I grabbed the first shirt I saw _—_

Or so I convinced myself as I pulled on a brown sweater.

Today would certainly be... interesting, to say the least.


	4. Mind over Matter

15. Mind over Matter

My eagerness to see her was what slowed my arrival. With my hands gripping the wheel, I sat in my parked car on the corner of her street. At that point, I knew I could still turn back. I knew all too well what that would do to her — yet which was worse: living with a broken heart or not living at all?

I closed my eyes, ceasing my breathing and any other movements so I could focus properly. Momentarily, I started the engine back up, feeling Charlie's thoughts of fishing line or some other similar item fade as he drove away. I pulled onto the street at a crawling pace even by human standards.

With each passing house, I tried to estimate the point at which I would not be able to turn around without being in view of the house. After crossing it with a sigh, I increased my speed, parking in the driveway in a rush.

I stood at the door for a few minutes, already catching her scent that hung about the place. My pale fist knocked on the door as softly as possible — I did not want to leave any dents. From inside, I could hear the sound of her running down the stairs, fumbling with the lock.

_No turning back now._

She looked nervous, but as beautiful as ever. She smiled at me, and I found myself struggling to return it. Yet, my face broke out into a full grin as I finally saw what she was wearing.

"Good morning," I said with a small laugh.

"What's wrong?" She was confused, looking down at her outfit.

She had been keeping her eyes on my face up until now. "We match," I explained. She laughed also, noticing the white collared shirt underneath my sweater that mirrored her own, but the sound was not entirely sincere.

As she locked the door, I moved to stand beside the passenger side of the red truck. I was beginning to hate the promise I had made to her.

"We made a deal." She grinned proudly, unlocking my door and then starting the engine.

"Where to?" she asked once I got in.

I looked at her apprehensively. "Put your seatbelt on — I'm nervous already."

She shot me a dark look, but did as I said anyway. "Where to?" She sighed.

"Take the one-oh-one north," I said, knowing the way well.

As she drove, she concentrated on the road intensely. However, I noticed that concentration would slip just slightly each time I looked over at her, and she would slow her speed.

"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?"

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather — have some respect." She kept her eyes looking straight forward as I smirked.

She maintained her current speed, and another fifteen minutes passed before we left the town. She opened her mouth just barely, but I spoke before she could ask.

"Turn right on the one-ten," I said. "Now we drive until the pavement ends."

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?"

"A trail."

Her heartbeat jumped, but she still did not look at me. "Is that a problem?" I asked. She certainly was not the most coordinated human, but did she not trust I would keep her safe in these woods?

"No," she answered simply, her heart rate still agitated.

"Don't worry," I tried to comfort her. "It's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry." I thought she would enjoy the promise of that time spent with me, but the beating of her heart spiked.

She said nothing in reply and kept a straight face so I could not guess anything from her expression. We fell into a horrible silence — one that I could not bear for much longer.

"What are you thinking?" She would bore of the question eventually, but my curiosity won me over.

Again, the beat stuttered. "Just wondering where we're going." Was she lying?

I smiled, but she could not see. "It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice." I noticed the clouds were beginning to part.

"Charlie said it would be warm today." She recalled.

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" I knew it was not likely, but I had still hoped…

"Nope."

The hope was crushed instantly. "But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" Chief Swan thought the two girls were acquaintances. Surely he would think to call her first when…

"No," she said as I sighed. "I told her you canceled on me — which is true."

"No one knows you're with me?" My voice sounded much more frustrated than I would have liked.

"That depends…" Her lip twitched, as if to smirk. "I assume you told Alice?"

"That's very helpful, Bella." My anger controlled my tone.

She ignored it.

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" It seemed impossible for her to do something that might actually keep her own life out of danger.

"You said it might cause trouble for you…" Her voice was much softer now, serious. "Us being together publicly," she finished, never chancing a glance at my face.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause _me_ — if _you_ don't come _home_?" I was furious, and this thought of hers confused me beyond my own comprehension.

She nodded, silent now. "You are unbelievable." The words ran together, and it would have been impossible for her to understand them.

She did not speak again, quiet after sensing my anger. I did not want her to feel ashamed for wanting to be with me — no, it was the one thing I wanted more than anything… for her to want me, that is. Yet, I also needed her to understand what I was—

And what I was capable of.

Soon, the trucked slowed as we reached the end of the road. She parked on the shoulder, eyeing the small trail with contempt as she got out. I pulled the sweater off once I stepped outside, and I quickly stood in the shade of a nearby tree. I looked deep into the forest, no movement between the trees.

"This way," I told her, throwing her a quick glance. I started down my own path, fighting a smile when I had seen that she had done the same thing, the white cloth clinging to her pale skin.

"The trial?" Her voice was filled with worry as I heard her catch up.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road," I clarified with a smirk. "Not that we were taking it." I unfastened the buttons of my shirt, staying out of the sunlight for the time beings as she panicked behind me.

"No trail?"

"I won't let you get lost," I promised, grinning as I turned to her. Her heartbeat jumped again, and my smile grew. Yet, her expression suddenly turned to one of pain as she looked at me. "Do you want to go home?" My voice sounded disappointed.

"No," She said, standing at my side now. The wind blew her scent towards me, and I struggled to keep a kind face.

"What's wrong?" I asked, puzzled as to why she suddenly looked so… hurt.

"I'm not a good hiker." She warned. I had already known that of course. "You'll have to be very patient."

The very thing I had been lacking lately.

"I can be patient — if I make a great effort." It was meant to cheer her up a bit, but she smiled up at me half-heartedly.

"I'll take you home." I was referring to the current moment, yet I made it a vow to myself.

_I won't let your life end here._

She was quiet for a moment, mulling things over. I itched to ask what she was thinking, but I kept my silence.

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way."

I wondered if she was angry with me.

Still, I felt as if I was making it up to her by choosing the flattest path. As we came to a fallen tree, I took her by the arm, lifting her with ease. I let her down gently, but swiftly. Each time I touched her, her heartbeat would jump, and I instinctively had the desire to make it stop all together. I would pull away quickly to not make it harder for myself.

She glanced at me frequently, her face in a slight frown. Whatever she thought about as she looked at me… it certainly caused her a great deal of sadness. I tried to distract her from it, and I questioned her more about her childhood. I found her birthday celebrations quite interesting, as sad as they were. It seemed that Bella's mother had the same enthusiasm for parties as say… Alice did. But, Renée was hardly as organized. I laughed at her expense when she told me of her pets and the quick deaths of her goldfish. She said she had finally given up with the whole business.

This continued for the rest of the morning, and she seemed to grow more nervous as we went deeper into the woods. She was slowly, but I kept every appearance of being tolerant or it. My eyes caught the change in the light around us. The sun was beginning to stream through the breaks in the treetops, and I avoided them subtly.

She grew impatient herself.

"Are we there yet?" She pretended to be annoyed.

"Nearly." She certainly seemed more upbeat. "Do you see the brightness ahead?" Not to far ahead, I could already see the opening in the trees.

"Um, should I?"

Of course, her eyes would not be able to see it yet. "Maybe it's a bit soon for _your_ eyes."

"Time to visit the optometrist," She said, and I grinned.

After a few minutes, I watched her eyes drift to the path ahead, and she increased her pace. With a smile, I let her get a few feet ahead of me, feeling more apprehensive by the second. Surely she would think this place was beautiful, but could she think the same about me? About how I would look when I stepped out into the light?

She was at the edge of the forest now, still as she looked over the sight before her. The stream only a few yards away served as a calming background to the beauty in front of us. The breeze ruffled the vibrant flowers and sent the grasses in the meadow swaying like waves in the water. The trees surrounded the small area like walls. With a sigh, she took a step forward, and I yearned to see her face.

Momentarily, she seemed to come back to the moment, and she turned to me. With a cheering smile, she motion for me to step out.

I continued to stand in the comfortable shadows of the trees, and I was worried about how she would react. Still, she looked eager, and I held my hand up. She waited for me then.

I took a deep breath, taking in her scent and reminding myself once more. _Please don't be afraid_. The thought contradicted what I knew was right and proper for her, but the desire could not be helped.

I stepped into the clearing, watching her face for her reaction.

She did not move, neither frightened nor smiling. I did not know what to make of it. I barely felt the sun's warmth on my skin, too focused on her face. However, she could not take her eyes from my own.

I knew my appearance must have shocked her, but she said nothing — did nothing.

Presently, she opened her mouth, her lips unable to form any words.

I smiled just slightly, taking another step towards her. "Sit with me?" She looked as if she were about to collapse anyway.

She managed to nod as I sat down in the grass, and she did the same, her eyes never leaving my face. I could see my own reflection in her shining eyes, seeing my white skin sparkling in the light.

It was a sight that disgusted me — a reminder of what I was and my sad attempt to pretend being something else.

She did not seem to be afraid, though it should not have surprised me. "How…?" She did not finish the question.

I gave a small laugh. "It's a mystery in of itself, really." I did not know any better than others of my kind why we would shine in the sun, almost like diamonds or perhaps crystal. It was something we just had to accept — something that kept us from blending in with the world, I suppose.

I found my smile growing the more she looked at me, her fear never showing… if it really did exist at all.

I lay down on the ground after a moment, feeling the sun slowly beginning to warm my skin. I knew it would still feel like ice to her touch, and I sighed. I stared up at the blue sky, feeling her gaze on my face. She sat so close to me… her arms around her knees, and her brown hair blowing in the wind.

Her scent hit me again, and I was difficult to keep my position. The fire filled my throat like always, but I did not stop breathing. I knew I was slowly becoming desensitized to it — the burning was not nearly as horrid as before.

We sat like this for hours, barely speaking, but caught up in the moment.

As my lips moved, she asked if I was speaking, though I was almost sure she could not have seen the movement. "…Just singing to myself." It usually worked well to help me calm down, but now it was ineffectual for the current moment. "It's much too low for your ears." I grinned, and she just looked at me thoughtfully, her eyes drifting to my arm, lying in the grass about a foot from her.

I turned my head to watch her as she stretched forth her finger to touch the back of my hand. Fire danced across my skin, but it was not the burning I was used to. Her skin was incredibly warm, and it sent a smile to my face.

I caught her gaze. "I don't scare you?" I asked it with a grin, but I wished to know the truth.

"No more than usual."

I could not help but smile at that, ignoring the grave reality of that answer for the time being. Again, she lifted her hand to touch my arm, her fingers trembling. Had she not said she was unafraid?

I closed my eyes as the sun's feeble warmth disappeared in the presence of her own.

"Do you mind?"

I listened to her voice, sighing. "No," I said quietly. "You can't imagine how that feels." But how did it feel to her? Did I not compare to ice — to the cold? Surely, she could not find that pleasant. Or did she feel the same as I… nervous as well as excited all in the same moment?

I sighed once more, letting the warm feeling spread throughout my body.

Her fingers still trailed across the skin of my arm, and she lightly touch my hand. I looked at her, understanding, and I turned my hand, palm up. The quick movement stunned her, and she froze.

"Sorry." I closed my eyes again. "It's too easy to be myself with you."

She lifted my hand, analyzing each detail, each inch that reflected the sun's light back to her eyes. I fell deeper into insanity, watching her face as she did so. "Tell me what you're thinking," I pleaded quietly. "It's still so strange for me, knot knowing."

Her lip twitched, almost grinning. "You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time."

"It's a hard life," I answered. I would have traded with the average human on a whim, however. "But you didn't tell me."

"I was wishing I could know what you were thinking…" She started, her sentence trailing off as she thought.

"And?" I encouraged her.

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."

"I don't want you to be afraid." I said this just above a whisper, unconsciously. She should be afraid, though. It was what she was supposed to feel.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about."

What did she mean?

I swiftly sat up halfway, leaning on my other arm. I expected her to move away from me… from my sudden proximity to her face, but she sat still, watching my eyes.

"What are you afraid of, then?"

She was silent, unable to answer. She moved less than an inch closer to me, and at that moment a breeze crashed through the meadow, her scent choking me. In an instant, I saw the monster rejoicing as the burning in my mouth intensified, and I had no choice but to pull away.

By the time her eyes finally found me, I was halfway across the meadow near the opposite edge. In the darkness of the trees behind me, I stood with a stoic look, my hands curling into fists. The scent made my mouth water with venom, and I shook my head, trying to take a deep breath that did not hold her scent.

She sat still, a hurt look creeping across her soft face.

"I'm… sorry… Edward," She said quietly.

"Give me a moment," I answered, raising my voice so that she could hear. I did not want her to feel bad over this. I just needed a breath. A moment to remember myself.

I walked back, taking unhurried, but careful, steps. I sat down in the grass about two or three feet away from her now, taking in her scent again, but slowly.

"I am so very sorry," I started, hoping she would not be upset with me. "Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?" I joked to cheer her.

She nodded, never laughing.

My face held a wry grin after that, angry with my own weaknesses. "I'm the world's best predator, aren't I?" I noted, miserably. "Everything about me invites you in — my voice, my face, even my _smell_. As if I need any of that!" I suddenly felt as if I needed to make her understand the danger I was to her.

I ran the edge of the meadow, making it to the same place as before in mere seconds. "As if you could outrun me." My voice was filled with resentment for my kind. I pulled a thick branch from a nearby tree and tossed it lightly, the wood breaking against the trunk of another tree. The other branches shivered with the movement. "As if you could fight me off," I said softly, now only a few feet away from her.

Her heartbeat increased, and I knew she was finally afraid, as she should be. She did not tremble, but she sat unmoving with the look of a deer in… headlights, was the phrase?

My face fell at her look, and I felt more dismayed than before.

"Don't be afraid," I whispered, moving closer to her. I was confusing her with my sudden changes in mood, and I stopped when we were only a foot apart.

"Please forgive me," I told her, over seventy years of manners finally kicking in. "I _can_ control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now." I hoped she would believe me, since I had finally come to believe it myself. I could control myself with her… it would just be painstakingly difficult, yet worth every effort.

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly," I said, winking when she did not respond.

Her face broke out into a grin, and she laughed. The sound shook, and she trembled so slightly that she probably did not even notice.

"Are you all right?" I stretched my hand back towards hers, back in the place it had been only moments before.

She glanced down at our hands and then back at my face. Her eyes were trusting, and she looked back down, tracing the lines on my palm.

"So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" I longed to hear her voice, expecting it to shake with the shock that had probably not passed.

"I honestly can't remember." She sounded timid, but certainly content with where she was.

I tried to smile, my shame from my sudden lack of strength making it half-hearted. "I think we were taking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."

"Oh, right." Her cheeks flushed, and it only reminded me of the warmth of her touch.

"Well?"

She looked away, trailing her fingers across my skin. Her silence bothered me.

"How easily frustrated I am." I said as she looked up at me. I sighed in annoyance.

She finally answered. "I was afraid… because, for, well, obvious reason, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should." She struggled to say it, and she immediately looked away once she finished.

"Yes," I started, hating the truth of my words. "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."

Her small smile turned into a frown. "I should have left long ago," I continued. "I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."

"I don't want you to leave." She looked down, her cheeks blushing again.

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature." I grinned. "I crave your company too much to do what I should."

"I'm glad."

"Don't be!" I removed my hand away from hers, my frustration growing. "It's not only your company I crave! Never forget _that_. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." I paused, hoping she could grasp what I was telling her.

"I don't think I understand exactly what you mean — by that last part anyway." She stared back at me, confused.

"How do I explain?" I knew this would be difficult. "And without frightening you again… hmmmm." I put my hand over her own once more, my mind deep in thought.

"That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." I could not help but sigh at her touch.

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors?" I cringed at the comparison. "Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?"

She nodded as I apologized. "Sorry about the food analogy — I couldn't think of another way to explain."

She smiled as I continued.

"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac — and filled the room with its warm aroma — how do you think he would fare then?"

She did not respond at first.

"Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead."

"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" It finally seemed to click for her.

I nodded just slightly, smiling. "Yes, you are _exactly_ my brand of heroin."

"Does that happen often?" She wondered.

"I spoke to my brothers about it." I looked to the dark woods, speaking slowly. "To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor."

I looked at her quickly. "Sorry," I said, apologizing again. I did not want to scare her with the way I was describing things.

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me or frightening me, or whichever." This was Bella — always concerned for other's feelings. "That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can."

I inhaled deeply, growing more indifferent to her smell.

"So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as…" I thought for a moment, trying to find a word that would not disturb her. "…_appealing_ as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?" Her eyes held a deep curiosity that mirrored my own.

"Never."

I fell silent, unsure of what to say next.

"What did Emmett do?" She asked at length, my hand curling into a fist in her own. I could no longer look at her face, uncertain of how to answer.

"I guess I know," She said.

I could feel the monster inside wishing for that same to happen in this moment, but I pushed it away. "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

"What are you asking? My permission?" My expression turned to one of horror as she spoke, her voice sharp. "I mean," She said, more softly. "Is there no hope, then?"

"No, no!" I longed to look away from her, ashamed, but my eyes longered on her face. "Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…"

Had I not argued with Alice over the same matter only days before, from the opposite side? Yet, I was more determined, now, of my future with this girl. Was this the decision Alice had spoken of?

"It's different for us." I continued, keeping her gaze. "Emmett… these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as… practiced, as careful, as he is now."

She mulled things over. "So if we'd met… oh, in a dark alley or something…" She was beginning to understand.

I finally told her of my struggles as I saw her for the first time. "It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and —" I hesitated. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle had built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last," I paused, not wanting her to know my real age. "Well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself."

I looked into her eyes, knowing she would remember that day well. "You must have thought I was possessed."

"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…" She had certainly noticed that.

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin… I though it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…"

I looked at her sadly. "You would have come." I was positive of it.

"Without a doubt," She agreed.

"And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there — in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there — so easily dealt with."

I watched her shiver, and I looked down, ashamed as I retold my memories.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from the school. I was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home — I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong — and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."

I stared back into her brown eyes. "I traded cars with him — he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary...

"By the next morning I was in Alaska. I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances… but I was homesick." This was my weakness… coming back to this town. "I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains, it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl," I paused, smirking at how that fact had changed. "…to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…"

She listened to this tale of mine, silent as she took in every word.

With each passing second, I felt as if I would not be able to leave her.

Never again.


	5. History

**A/N:**

Due to my idiocy, I somehow managed to accidentally delete this chapter as I was halfway through with it. I was so upset with myself that I did not even touch the flash drive I kept it on for weeks. Sorry for the delay.

----------

16. History

"I took precautions," I told her. "Hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human." I had to stifle a laugh at the memory.

"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind…" I tried my best not to shudder at the thought. "Her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." My face was set in a frown as I realized _irritating_ was an understatement.

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions … and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again…

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment — because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are." I hated the very memory — the very thought that I could have… "But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'"

It had been the first time I had showed my infatuation with her subconsciously. No matter how hard I had tried … it seemed that this electricity between us was destined to exist.  
I closed my eyes, realizing it was the first time that my feelings for her had become so deeply etched into my being that I did not have to think about saving her life. It was instinct. Natural.

"In the hospital?"

My eyes opened quickly, staring into hers once more. "I was appalled." I said, remembering the day with shame from the way I had acted towards her. "I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power — you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." I flinched at the word as she did the same, and it became difficult to maintain eye contact with her. "But it had the opposite effect. I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time … the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice." I frowned slightly, remembering her vision from earlier. "Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay." My smile returned as I recalled that. Esme wanted me to be happy, even if it meant risking all of _this_ … for a human girl.

"All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair … it hit me as hard as the very first day." I was able to look at her softly now that I had become so familiar with her scent in the past few hours. It was quite bearable for now.

"And for all that," I started again. "I'd have fared better if I _had_ exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here — with no witnesses and nothing to stop me — I were to hurt you."

It was nothing less than the truth, yet she still questioned it.

"Why?"

"Isabella," I drew out her name, tousling her hand with a grin.

She held strictly still as I touched her. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me. The thought of you, still, white cold…" I felt I was a horrible, wretched thing for even bringing the thought to her mind. "…To never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses … it would be unendurable." I looked straight into her focused face, trying to make sure she would understand this.

"You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever," I corrected.

She looked down in a flash, a rosy color forming on her cheeks. I waited — I needed to know her side… her thoughts.

"You already know how I feel, of course," she said at length. Her answer frustrated me — I had my assumptions, but I needed to hear it. "I'm here … which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." She sighed, grimacing. "I'm an idiot."

"You _are_ an idiot." I smiled as I laughed at her statement, relieved to find she laughed along with me.

"And so…" I sighed almost sadly as I looked down at her. "The lion fell in love with the lamb…"

She blushed and looked away hurriedly, whispering, "What a stupid lamb."

"What a sick, masochistic lion." I retorted, my gaze wandering from her own. This was what I had decided. My obsession had turned into love — and that love would surely kill both of us over time. Still… was it worth it?

"Why…?" Her sweet voice trailed off, and I looked back at her.

"Yes?" I asked. Why was she so unsure of herself around me?

"Tell me why you ran from me before."

If my face had held the slightest hint of a smile before, it most assuredly disappeared in that moment. "You know why." It was the simplest of answers.

"No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do." I stifled a laugh. "This, for example…" Her fingers brushed the back of my hand, the warmth of her skin making me smile. "…seems to be all right."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella," I assured her. "It was my fault."

If only I had better control…

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."

"Well…" I was completely sure that — no matter what she did — she would still be the greatest temptation my life had ever faced. "It was just how close you were," I tried to explain. "Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness … I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your _throat_…" I stopped talking abruptly as I realized what I had said.

"Okay, then," She said quickly, breaking the hardened silence that befell us. "No throat exposure." She tilted her head down, tucking her chin.

I chuckled. "No, really," I said once more, although I was amused by her enthusiasm to help… curb my hunger. "It was more the surprise than anything else."

She needed to understand that, despite the enticement she would always be, I had control over my actions. Of course, with a great deal of difficulty.

I lifted my hand to touch her neck, noticing the way she sat as still as she possibly could. Her heartbeat jumped, however it was not as dramatic as before. Perhaps she was growing more comfortable in my presence?

"You see… perfectly fine." I knew it to be the truth… yet she was so fragile, so easily broken. Even a small action like this put her life in more danger than was healthy.

I could feel her warm blood racing through her veins now, tormenting.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I muttered, my mind slipping from the present moment.

With as much strength as I could muster, I focused on her eyes. I pulled my other hand away from hers, reaching towards her face. If I'd had a heartbeat, I knew right then that it would be racing as fast as her own.

"Be very still," I warned softly, though I knew she was as motionless as she would ever be. I had to try… I had to be sure that…

Again, her scent sent my thoughts into pieces, and I struggled to pay attention.

As slowly as I could manage, I moved towards her and turned my head as I leaned against her. Though I could have heard her pulse well enough from sever meters away, I still let my hands fall to her shoulders as I sighed.

The beat was far from steady — racing, erratic, fitful… but alive.

She neither moved, nor spoke, but sat rigidly in my presence. I could imagine her face, pink with the intimacy of my action, but I did not allow myself to look up. Instead, I closed my eyes, memorizing the sound or her heartbeat.

Time fell away from us, though I would not have complained. A single moment with Bella, _my_ Bella, was worth thousands with anyone else. She was my obsession, my addiction. From this moment on, I knew I could never turn back — not only from the thought of staying, but from my decision to keep her alive, no matter the cost to me or the temptation it would cause me to face.

Her pulse slowed after a while, much to my dismay. I found an odd, proud delight in her reaction to my touch and to my voice. It was amusing, to say the least.

Though I longed for her warmth, to stay this close to her for hours more, I forced myself to move away from her.

I was completely decided.

I would never turn back.

"It won't be so hard again," I said contentedly. After hearing that steady beat, I knew I would rather suffer any kind of torture imaginable than let it stop.

"Was that very hard for you?"

Of course, she was always curious.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be." Yes, she was still alive. Things had gone very well indeed. "And you?"

"No, it wasn't bad … for me."

"You know what I mean," I said, grinning crookedly. "Here." I took her soft hand gently, holding it against my face.

"Do you feel how warm it is?" I smiled down at her as she blushed, her pulse jumping again.

"Don't move." She spoke quietly, but I obeyed.

It was easy for me to sit completely motionless, although I usually tried to fidget once in a while, to appear more human.

I made no attempts now.

I closed my eyes the moment her fingers touched my face. Immediately, a hunger built up inside of me, but I had no thoughts of her blood. The feeling confused me, although it made me struggle to hold still under her touch.

Her hand brushed the side of my face, trailing across my lips. I sighed as I felt the warmth, but she pulled away quickly.

My eyes flashed open quickly, but I did not find her frightened by the sudden movement.

She had stopped herself.

For me.

"I wish," I paused, "I wish you could feel the … complexity … the confusion … I feel. That you could understand." I lifted my hand slowly, touching her soft face as softly as I could.

"Tell me," she answered.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger — the thirst — that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you." Unfortunately for her well being, I thirsted for her in more ways than one. "And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though… as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely." I smiled almost sadly, brushing my fingers across her lips.

"But… There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

"I may understand _that_ better than you think."

I'd known as much, but I wondered if she felt that… for me, perhaps?

"I'm not used to feeling so human," I explained. "Is it always like this?"

"For me?" Her eyes were honest. "No, never. Never before this."

I took her hands in mine, desperately trying to figure things about.

"I don't know how to be close to you." My voice sounded strained, agonized. "I don't know if I can."

Slowly, deliberately, she leaned towards me, resting her head on my chest.

"This is enough," she breathed.

After a few seconds, I lifted my arms, holding her close, but not tightly. I could not help but feel a wave a sadness wash over me. We had been in the exact opposite position only minutes before, but she would surely hear no heartbeat as I had heard hers. I sighed as I closed my eyes and held her quietly.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," she said presently.

I grinned. "I have human instincts — they may be buried deep, but they're there."

We sat in silence until the shadows crept forth from the forest. The day was ending — a sad realization for both of us.

"You have to go."

Could she tell from my voice that it was the last thing I wanted?

"I thought you couldn't read my mind."

I stifled a chuckle. "It's getting clearer."

A sudden thought came to the surface of my mind, and I put my hands on her shoulders, holding her at a distance to see her face.

"Can I show you something?" Surely she could hear the excitement in my voice.

"Show me what?" I expected the nervousness in her voice, but not before she realized what it was.

"I'll show you how _I_ travel in the forest." The unease in her voice instantly showed on her face. "Don't worry, you'll be safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." I grinned.

"Will you turn into a bat?" She looked up at me jokingly, but without much energy.

I laughed much louder than I had intended. "Like I haven't heard _that_ one before!" Actually, I hadn't. It wasn't as if many humans had asked. Or any at all.

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time."

I should have known she would see through that response.

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back." I watched as she hesitated, probably wondering if I was joking.

As I stretched my arms toward her, her heartbeat spiked, though it only made me grin all the more. I lifted her without any effort, and she fretfully wrapped her arms around me with as much strength as she had.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack."

"Hah!" Again, I chuckled at the way she viewed me. She was lighter than air to me.

I touched her hand, pressing it to my face as I smiled. "Easier all the time," I murmured.

Then, though I probably should have given a warning, I began to run.

I heard her quick intake of breath, muffled by the sound of the wind passing by us. She did not tighten her grip any, but for the next thirty seconds or so, I did not hear her breathe. After only a few minutes, my eyes could see the light ahead of the path where we had left her truck.

I stopped quickly, the gravel underneath my feet scattering. "Exhilarating, isn't it?" My voice sounded more cheerful than usual.

She did not move at all, but I could hear the erratic beating of her heart that filled me with worry.

"Bella?" I breathed.

"I think I need to lie down," she said suddenly.

"Oh, sorry." I knew sorry did not even begin to cover it. I hadn't realized…

"…I think I need help."

I chuckled softly, though I was extremely troubled about her condition. I pulled her arms away from my neck, turning so I could hold her. It was clear that she was having trouble keeping her head lifted straight. After a moment, I set her down on the grassy ground.

"How do you feel?"

We should have just walked back.

"Dizzy, I think." She blinked a few times, taking deep breaths.

"Put your head between your knees."

She did as I said, and her breathing became even. Presently, I sat down beside her, watching her every move.

A few minutes passed before she was able to look up, but not yet open her eyes.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea," I admitted.

"No," she countered, ever positive. "It was very interesting." The lie was clear to see, since her face had turned a sickly pale color.

"Hah! You're as white as a ghost — no, you're as white as _me_!"

"I think I should have closed my eyes," she mused, regretfully.

"Remember that next time."

"Next time!" Her mood fell instantly. I laughed openly as she muttered, "Show off."

It was about at this time that my brightened mood somehow turned into… not arrogance, but something more along the lines of over-confidence.

"Open your eyes, Bella," I whispered.

And she did.

What she didn't expect to see was myself so close to her, without warning.

"I was thinking, while I was running…" I started.

Well, I had thought about this quite some time before that, but…

"About not hitting trees, I hope," she finished for me.

"Silly Bella," I grinned. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show-off," she said with all seriousness.

"No…" I concentrated. "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."

Her breath caught in her throat the instant I touched her warm face. I leaned towards her, but I stopped myself, hesitating.

The air was thick with her scent, though it wasn't as much of a distraction as it had been earlier. Still, I held her fragile face between my stone-cold hands, and she did not seem to mind. Would I be able to stop myself if… if it became too much? I needed to be sure.

Then, pushing all other thoughts aside, I pressed my lips against hers as softly as I could manage.

It was as if my entire body was filled with immeasurable warmth, wild and uncontrollable. I quickly found it became a struggle to hold her the way I did. She was so incredibly fragile, so breakable, but my mind wanted to forget it.

And then, she reacted.

But not in the way I had expected.

The moment I felt that hunger well up inside of me — the one I _shouldn't_ have been feeling — I put my hands on her shoulders, pushing her back lightly, though her fingers were still twisted in my hair.

"Oops," she whispered, her eyes looking at me guiltily.

"That's an understatement," I said with what was left of my air. I refused to breathe, and I most certainly could not move.

I waited for the burning in my throat to subside. For my head to clear. For my mind to come back to what was right and moral.

"Should I…?" She tried to move away, kind, thoughtful person that she always was.

I did not allow her to move, however.

"No, it's tolerable." I looked down at her. "Wait for a moment, please."

She watched me anxiously.

Suddenly, a grin broke out over my face as I finally realized it.

I was strong enough to resist her… to save her life… to keep her here with me.

With a deep breath, I was able to finally have peace.

"There," I said with a smile.

"Tolerable?"

"I'm stronger than I thought," I said with a chuckle. "It's nice to know."

"I wish I would say the same. I'm sorry," she apologized, softly.

"You are only human, after all." I grinned.

"Thanks so much," she said sarcastically.

I regrettably decided it was time to leave, and I stood, holding out my hand to her. She took it, but her legs seemed to refuse to hold her own weight.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I smiled, feeling lighter by the second with each minute spent around her.

"I can't be sure," she said presently. "I'm still woozy. I think it's some of both, though."

"Maybe you should let me drive." In her dizzy state, it seemed only proper to offer.

"Are you insane?"

She didn't think the same as me.

"I can drive better than you on your best day," I pointed out. "You have much slower reflexes."

"I'm sure that's true," she admitted. "But I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella."

She stared at me for a moment before shaking her head.

"Nope. Not a chance."

I looked at her in shock, incredulous, and put my arm around her waist as she walked by, stumbling.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive." I probably should have exaggerated that a bit more. "I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk." I laughed at the saying, or at least the context of which I used it in.

"Drunk?"

"You're intoxicated by my very presence," I kidded.

"I can't argue with that," she replied, her voice serious but light.

My eyes caught the flash of light that glinted off the key as she dropped it. I caught it easily, and she blinked, missing the action almost completely. "Take it easy — my truck is a senior citizen."

"Very sensible."

"And are you not affected at all?" She said with a bit of frustration in her voice. "By my presence?"

I wanted to laugh at the notion. How could she possibly not see how she affected me? Was it not plain as day?

With the smallest of smiles, I leaned towards her, taking in her scent cautiously. She shivered as I her cheeks, her chin, delighting in the warm touch of her skin.

Of course I would always be affected by her presence. There would never be a moment when I was _not_.

"Regardless," I said presently as I listened to her breathing start again. "I have better reflexes."

She managed to nod, and, by some miracle, get into her truck without tripping. I followed, but slightly disappointed, though I did not show it.

I did not wish to return to a place where I had to keep up the façade. Things were so much easier here… there were no lies to hold up, no stories to keep.

I sighed, but turned the key in the ignition anyway.

With decades of practice, I kept the truck perfectly on the road at a reasonable speed even without much attention. I took her hand in mine, wishing we could return to the meadow. And we could — soon, with the way things were going.

She barely moved at my touch, but after a few moments she grew comfortable, smiling as she tried to keep her gaze focused on the passing scenery and not my face. The breeze played with her hair, blowing her scent across my face.

I barely noticed it, really.

I grinned at my composed control — this was something I had dreamed of, hoped for. I could finally relax in her presence, perhaps not completely, but it was certainly a noticeable difference.

A familiar song began to play on the radio as we pulled onto the highway.

This song had been of my favorites back in that decade, and I chuckled, low enough that she could not hear. It was probably written long before even her father had been born, I realized as I did the math.

Normally, this though would have set my smile into a scowl, what with the differences in my true age to her own. Yet… I felt so sure that not a thing could ruin my mood today, I sang along quietly with every word.

"You like fifties music?" she asked presently.

I nodded with a grin. "Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" I recalled the noise that passed for music in that time. "The eighties were bearable," I admitted.

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" Her voice was soft — it seemed she did not want me to become upset.

I knew she would wonder eventually, and that sooner or later she would need to know the truth.

"Does it matter much?" I dodged the question, flashing a smile.

"No, but I still wonder… There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

"I wonder if it will upset you," I said quietly.

Surely, if she had any sense left in her, she would not like my answer. However, she had been so accepting of everything else — so polite. Perhaps…

And yet, what if she _did_ become upset? What if, despite my outward appearance, it was just too… odd. Too awkward.

I gazed out of the window at the concrete flying beneath the truck, grimacing.

Maybe I was too old for her.

"Try me," she said after a long while.

I sighed, realizing I would never win this. I looked over to her, watching her eyes. They were so honest — so sincere.

I sighed once more.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901." I stopped for a moment, searching her eyes quickly only to find her completely calm. "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza."

She gasped, and though it was a small, insignificant sound, I caught her gaze once more.

"I don't remember it well," I explained. "It was a very long time ago, and human memories fade."

And indeed they had.

I had few memories of anything in my past life, honestly. There were no memories of when I had first become sick, or even what it was like once I had. No memories of family, friends — if I'd even had any.

I had only vague recollections of small things… the crystal green of my mother's eyes, but not her face… the way the winter snow would blanket the city, yet not even the look of my own home.

I sighed at the sudden sadness that washed over me, only to feel the breeze hit my face, and with it a strong, familiar scent.

I was still in Bella's truck, speeding — only slightly — down the highway.

"I do remember how it felt," I continued. "…when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget."

"Your parents?"

"They had already died from the disease. I was alone." I suppressed another sigh. "That was why he chose me. In al the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."

"How did he… save you?"

Of course, she would always ask the difficult questions to answer.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us." My statement did not begin to cover it. He was, perhaps, the most compassionate _person_ I had ever met, let alone the most humane vampire. "…I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history."

She looked at me with a curious expression, and I knew I had better keep speaking before she realized I had not exactly answered her original question.

"For me, it was merely very, very painful."

She kept her mouth shut at that. It was perhaps from my expression, or the way I fell silent so quickly, that she knew not to ask a thing more concerning it.

"He acted from loneliness," I explained. "That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after."

I swallowed, searching my mind for a way to put this in a way that… would not seem to harsh.

"She fell from a cliff." I settled for a lie. "They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating."

Her face held a thoughtful look for a moment.

"So you have to be dying, then, to become…"

I could tell she was unable to say the word as I shook my head.

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice." And it was true. Carlisle held a respect for life that should have died when his heart did. "It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak."

I looked forward, watching the road instead of keeping her gaze.

"And Emmett and Rosalie?"

Ever full of questions, I could tell she was looking over at me.

"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next," I paused slightly, wondering if I should continue. "I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be what Esme was to him — he was careful with his thoughts around me." I had to roll my eyes at that. Nothing stayed hidden for long around me.

"But she was never more than a sister," I clarified. "It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting — we were in Appalachia at the time — and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." I watched her eyes, hoping I would not find any guilt.

After all, she couldn't help but be the greatest temptation that entered my life.

I lifted my hand, her fingers still intertwined with my own, and brushed her cheek.

"But she made it," she finished for me, blushing and looking away.

"Yes," I said, my gaze returning to the road. "She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they're been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school." I chuckled as I realized something. "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, _again_."

"Alice and Jasper?"

"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures," I explained, knowing it was probably the reason for the deep connection they shared. "They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another … family, a _very_ different kind of family."

Of course, that did not cover even half of it.

"He became depressed, and he wandered on his own." Again, I respectively stretched the story in a lighter direction. "Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really?" She said, her interest growing. "But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true," I admitted. I felt a rush of… happiness with each thing I told her. It was good to finally tell someone all of these secrets we had tried so hard to hide. "She knows other things. She _sees_ things — things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change."

I glanced at her for less than a second, my thoughts pulling me towards Alice's vision. Things _weren't_ set in stone. That much I had already learned.

"What kinds of things does she see?" Bella asked.

"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us." I found myself smiling at the very memory. "She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

"Are there a lot of … your kind?"

Again, I caught her inability to say the word.

"No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people," I glanced at her with a grin before continuing, "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live … differently tend to band together."

She shifted in her seat, tearing her gaze from the window.

"And the others?"

"Nomads for the most part," I said as we turned onto her street, though she did not notice. "We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

"Why is that?"

As I parked in front of the house, I stifled a laugh, the answer being so completely obvious.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon? Do think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents?" I turned slightly to look at her. "There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day." It definitely made us feel more human, if that was even possible.

"You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years," I teased.

"So that's where the legends come from?"

Ah, yes. The clichéd vampires that burn in the sun. It certainly seemed plausible.

"Probably."

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"

"No, and that _is_ a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her," I watched Bella's face with a bit of humor, the way she hung on every word. "She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."

I did not enjoy the thought — despite any anger I held towards her because of her vision, I could not imagine a life without Alice.

I grinned when Bella's stomach growled, interrupting the silence.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, but not very guilty for snatching her away for the day. "I'm keeping you from dinner."

"I'm fine, really," she replied, ever so polite.

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget," I admitted.

"I want to stay with you," she said suddenly, and I could see her cheeks flush in the darkness.

"Can't I come in?"

"Would you like to?" She seemed surprised by my request.

"Yes, if it's all right." Just as I finished the sentence, I was at her door, opening it soundlessly.

She was shocked to see me move so quickly, but she smiled regardless.

"Very human," she said.

"It's definitely resurfacing."

I would have to listen for Charlie's thoughts more carefully. I wasn't sure how he would react to finding me in his home just yet.

We walked together to the door, and I politely opened it for her using the spare key I had seen her use many a night ago. She did not see my hand replace it as she stepped through the doorway.

I was about to follow when she paused, turning to me with a puzzled look.

"The door was unlocked?"

I did not give her credit — she noticed more than I had thought.

"No, I used the key from under the eave."

I wouldn't have been able to lie to her, anyhow.

She looked at me with a curious expression before I broke the silence.

"I was curious about you," I admitted.

"You spied on me?" I could tell she was trying to sound angry, but her voice just could not manage it.

"What else is there to do at night?" I teased her.

She dropped it with a huff and headed toward the kitchen. Her eyes did not catch me pass her, but she did stop for a moment in the kitchen doorway when she saw me sitting at the table.

Shaking her head, she took a container filled with some nameless food out from the refrigerator and prepared her dinner with little concentration. I watched her diligently, waiting for her to become irritated with me. Normally, a person would have been enraged at the thought of someone watching them.

I was still waiting for her reaction.

"How often?"

"Hmmm?" I blinked, trying to focus my mind.

"How often did you come here?" She was avoiding my gaze by busying herself with watching her food spin in the microwave.

"I come here almost every night."

She turned suddenly, her face filled with confusion. "Why?"

"You're interesting when you sleep." I said truthfully. "You talk?"

"No!" She exclaimed, her face becoming a deep red as she leaned against the counter.

"Are you very angry with me?" I had never meant to upset her…

"That depends!" She breathed.

She looked at me, waiting for an answer.

"On?"

"What you heard!"

Immediately, I stood beside her, holding her fragile hands in my own.

"Don't be upset!" I begged, looking in her brown eyes earnestly. Meanwhile, she just looked more troubled by the minute.

"You miss your mother. You worry about her," I began. "And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too _green_.'" I chuckled at the memory.

"Anything else?"

I did not let my expression fall, but I had been hoping she would have accepted the first answers.

"You did say my name," I said presently.

"A lot?" She sighed.

I dodged the question with another. "How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly?"

"Oh no!" She moaned, looking away.

I put my arms around her, pulling her closer as softly as possible.

"Don't be self-conscious," I murmured with a smile, hearing Charlie's thoughts turning onto the street.

"If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it," I finished, looking over at the windows as lights flashed across them from the cruiser.

"Should your father know I'm here?" I asked, though I knew the answer.

"I'm not sure…" Her sentence trailed as she thought.

"Another time then…" I said, determined.

I would be back, and hopefully to meet her father as well — sooner or later.

I escaped into the hallway quickly, my movements undetectable by her eyes.

"Edward!" I heard her whisper loudly, and I chuckled as I entered her room, sitting on the edge of her bed. My eyes trailed over her furniture, her books and clothes scattered across them and the floor.

Truly, I should have left. It was not… proper for me to behave this way, to be here. And yet — I reasoned with myself — if I left her, I would no longer be desensitized to her scent.

And that, I thought with a grin, would only put her life in danger.

And we couldn't have that, could we?


End file.
